Top Ten Guitar Jokes.

All those interviews and photographs can get a little staight necked at times so I thought I’d throw in a little bit of humour with my top ten guitarist jokes and humour in no particular order… enjoy!

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A fingerstyle guitarist wins 15 million at the Lottery.
When a reporter asked “What are you going to do now?”
He replied “I’ll carry on gigging ’til the money runs out.

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A Guitarist and a Bassist are arguing backstage and the Drummer walks up to them and asks why they are fighting to which the Bassist replies “Well the Guitarist detuned one of my Bass guitar’s strings and he won’t tell me which one.”

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It’s the hour before Pentecostal church, and the pastor comes up to the guitar player and says “I’m glad to see you include Biblical precepts in your guitar playing.” The guitarist asks, “Do you mean ‘make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye peoples?'” “No”, says the pastor. “‘Don’t let the left hand know what the right hand is doing.'” .

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David Crosby’s incredible fingerpicking skills.http://www.guitartips.addr.com/csn2..jpg

Crosby fingerpicking

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How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot One

—- When a guitar player strums/picks, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing eardrums.

But if he’s good, he knows how to keep it from hurting.

….Banjo Player Bashing warning….

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A fingerstyle guitarist is walking on the beach when he accidentally kicks a bottle. The cork falls off and out pops a genie. “Thank you Oh Master for releasing me from my prison of the last 300 years” the genie exclaims, profusely grateful to the chap. “And because of your kindness” the genie continues, “I will grant you 3 wishes”. “But I must caution you” alerts the genie.
“And what’s that?” asks the man.
“Well, you can wish for anything you desire, but whatever you ask for, every banjo player in the world will receive double” explains the genie.
“Not a problem” says the man.
“Very well then, what shall your first wish be, my Master”
“$10 million in small bills” says the player unhesitatingly.
“Good choice, Master” and right there on the beach are piles and piles of $10s and $20s. And of course every banjo player in the world now has $20 million in their account.
“And your next wish, Master?”
“A mint 1930’s OM45 deluxe and presto! right there on the beach is the most beautifully inlaid and superb sounding acoustic guitar he’d ever seen. And of course every banjo player now has 2 of these guitar’s in their living rooms; knowing of course that they aren’t going to know what to do with one, much less two.
“You’ve made excellent choices thus far, Master; what is your final wish?” The FG thinks for a minute, rubs his chin a moment, squints at the bright sky and says, “You know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney” …

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Why are there no banjo players in any sci-fi films?
They’re set in the future.

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A visiting music lover wanders into a back alley antique shop in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

“Twelve dollars for the rat, sir,” Says the shop owner, “and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.”
“You can keep the story, old man,” He replies, “But I’ll take the rat.”

The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him.

By the time he’s walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to the water’s edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him.

Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.

“Ah, so you’ve come back for the rest of the story,” Says the owner.

“No,” says the music lover, “I was wondering if you have a bronze banjo player.”

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C. respective owners- Bizarro.

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